Where are you?
In a non slutty way
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
