You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
