I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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