so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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