final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
