If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize