OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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