no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
