its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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