Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
