My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
