i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
