the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
