conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
