those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
