i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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