Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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