i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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