we're blogging at a bar
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
