Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
