That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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