I am puke
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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