Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize