i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
