Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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