His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
