Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
