I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
