I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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