When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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