Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
