I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My liver just had a heart attack.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
