i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
