Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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