he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
