You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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