Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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