She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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