I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry about my life...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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