"it" just moved
Me. At least after what I've been through.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize