Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
