SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
