My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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