Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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