mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
