your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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