so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ruined the universe
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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