Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
