we're blogging at a bar
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
