i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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