She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
