oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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