Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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