I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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