I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
