literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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