It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
