IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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