He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
