i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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