just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
