I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
