I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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