I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
