Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
