What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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