so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
