My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
