i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
