things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
