You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
