I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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