they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
