hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
