He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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