Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
