Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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