FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
