I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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