I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
