You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
