I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
