Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize