You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
