Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
