Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize