dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
