just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
