Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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