So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
