All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
