Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I bet he comes in French.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am available for nakedness
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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