If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize