to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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