New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
