You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
