You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
