Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
