apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
