I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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