oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
