you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize