You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
