It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
