I want to walk on stilts...naked
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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